A man defined

My dearest Blake, It’s been a while that we have been at a distance from each other; long hours, and I can’t express how much I miss you day and night. Almost every night, when I lounge down on my bed, I almost feel you embracing me from behind and stroking my face. I feel thy hands and thy soft breath against the back of my neck; Thy scent on my hair, my clothes and my hands. Mr ‘forever you are on my mind’, hallo. But I’m not sad but pleased and encouraged, because we’ll be meeting each other very soon. Meanwhile, your love is the sunshine of my day, yet rain drops on my rugged skin. So rugged missing your nourish touch. I miss thy look and; Thee stroking my skin. Thinking about you or just hearing thy given name in my mind offers me so much optimism and oomph to go through my day. But yet I sometimes fall down because the distance becomes a disaster of a while. I love you, Love, Mimi

I will be your fool, Love, and everyone will wonder if my love for you has gone totally blind. I will.

I will be your fountain and on the mountain I will stand and still proclaim my undying love for you, Love. I will.

I will make you my ‘one and only’ even if there are many “one and only” to you. I will.

I will stop looking at all the other men and deny their existence and keep this look only for you. I will.

I will; even if you look at hundreds of women with lust and wish they could make your night bliss. I will.

I will make you remain my man even if I am not your only woman. I will.

I will cry every night because of the pain that you bring forth but in the morning I will love you still. I will.

I will dress in the longest or shortest dress you pick for me to wear even if it means looking like the figure you saw on the magazine and probably wished it were your girl. I will.

I will listen to all the advices that are of advantage to you even if it hurts, deep in the heart. I will.

I will stop talking with them; those that make your anger fume, if you ask. I will.

I will follow you till the ends of the earth if you ask me to …and remain constant and silent and stationary if you decide to leave…me…alone. I will.

I will, Love, I will.

Okay! yes, I admit that I am a virgin. Not until you can prove otherwise; I will remain a virgin. Not until you take me to the high courts or something crazy like that; I will remain a virgin. The words I utter and the movements I make don’t prove that I have lost my innocence. That I am now one of ‘’them’’. When I lose my virginity I will be covered with shame and probably with anger as well. I will stop going for ‘ukuhlolwa’ and probably stay ‘leg-opened’ for the next fifteen years. Once I lose this precious status I will write down a list of all the men who make me filthy, those who leave their dirt in my temple. I will hang the list for the rest of the world to see my shame and my nakedness. I will measure all the ‘sticks’ that enter my temple and probably award the one with longest stick. I will have a list in alphabetical order on my wall and make sure that I have all the alphabets on that list. I will have one-night stands, two-night stands or whatever they call it nowadays. There will be no need for man to make me speak or kiss or wet. The roughest will probably be awarded. I will play ‘patient and doctor’, ‘student and teacher’ or ‘rabbit and rabbit’ with whoever has the so-called magic stick. When I am no longer a virgin I will call all the traditional houses and announce my absence in the house of innocence. I will then penetrate the stages of adolescence and pass through them as if I felt no pain. The big question is; who will bear the struggle of taking away my virginity and change me into all that I have discussed?